stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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