I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
