So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
