matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize
