So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
