You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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