I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
ttyl tear gas
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
The power of my boobs compel you
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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