she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
