so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
How's work?
Spinning.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
