For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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