Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
