Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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