That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
