Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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