Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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