then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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