So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
