I am puke
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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