Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
