I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
