saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Be still, my beating vagina.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
