You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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