Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
