I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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