I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
