I love black thongs
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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