Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
