New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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