C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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