ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
