apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
