Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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