omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
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