I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
