The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
But we have bathrooms and they dont
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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