Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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