yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
