i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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