Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
