Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
