they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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