she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
