Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
