I'm eating all of the evidence.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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