Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
