He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Drunk is not a location!
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
