my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
