i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
