I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
