on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Randomize
