Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
