I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
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